Love Conflict
The comedian Dylan Moran suggests that war represents the inability of conflict. War means to eliminate the enemy, while conflict aims at working towards a solution.
Dr. John Gottman, in his conceptualization of the 4 Apocalypse Horsemen, demonstrates how war tactics (ie. defensiveness, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling) will effectively eliminate (with 93% probability) marital opponents.
The alternative?
Dr. Gottman suggests disarming your relationship with 4 antidotes which instead nurture healthy conflict:
take responsibility rather than act defensively
complain (“I” statements) rather than criticise (“you” statements)
build on appreciation rather than contempt
use distance to self-soothe rather than to stonewall
It’s not too late to learn to fight right with your espoused adversary.
“If we don’t end war, war will end us”
